dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
