she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
