He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
