bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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