I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
