Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
