He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
