god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
