I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize