I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize