Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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