Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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