just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
