i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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