Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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