I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
