ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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