oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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