youre lurking in front of me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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