im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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