Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
