Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
