meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm too high and old for this...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
