The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
