Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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