good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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