We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize