I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
