we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize