Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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