At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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