I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
