So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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