Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to be your penis for a week.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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