I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
