dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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