i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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