I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
