I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dick very happy bro
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
