you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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