a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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