I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
