Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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