They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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