So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
