Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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