She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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