Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
