We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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