this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
