My nipple is on Facebook.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
