Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Can i not drive my cunt home
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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