If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize