upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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