he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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