Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
