Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
