the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
