a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
