I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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