I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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