i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
