Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
