Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
