Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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