Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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