NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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