And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
