Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
