You really coming over, don't trick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
