he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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