you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
