hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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