Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
