This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
