I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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