it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize