Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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