my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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