..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
