no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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