I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize