her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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