Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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