And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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