I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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