Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
