Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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