She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
