Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
