He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
