Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
either way he was missing a nipple.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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