If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
