its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
