I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
