kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
