do herpes really smell.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I just sharted jello shots
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