Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
