I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please come you make the beer taste better
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
