my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize