the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
