YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
