just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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