He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
