it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
