I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The adults are the big ones right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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