He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
