Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
