So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
