the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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